Speak to One Another Truthfully and Helpfully
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No unwholesome or hurtful talk will occur in heaven. The ability to talk outside of the boundaries of love was crucified in Christ and thereby put to death in us, even though we wait for dying to separate us totally from our old sinful selves. So, how does avoiding hurtful and unwholesome speaking now prepare us for heaven? It is not to avoid such sinful, unloving talk in heaven, since such speaking will be impossible. We are not preparing ourselves to avoid talking harmfully in heaven.
Learning more and more to speak the truth in love now will help us learn the language of heaven under urgency and distress so that it becomes a part of our spirits – ingrained, habitual, and dependable. We can best learn the language of our eternity here on earth where it is challenged by sin. Then, when we get to heaven, we will be natural in the only speech that will be there – truth spoken in love. We will have added this desired quality of life for all eternity.
Even though in heaven everyone will speak the truth in love because there will be no sin, those of us who really worked at speaking truthfully without any deception will better know this language of heaven. Since there will be no resistance of sin there in heaven, there will be little further growth possible – just as without weight to lift, muscles will not get stronger.
One of the fictional stories from my writing on this subject at ChristiansTogether.org may help you see how this might work out in heaven. This is the story:
It was really interesting this morning in heaven. I was leaving with a few others to hike the Elijah Trail. It takes you through deep forest to high mountains and boulder fields where ravens live. As we were leaving, a group of my neighbors came to wish us well on our four-day jaunt. The different levels of lovingly sending us on our way was quite intriguing.
A few neighbors did not say much of anything. It was clear on their faces that they wanted us to have a great time, but it seemed they were not able to put it into words, that they did not have the mental or spiritual ability. We appreciated their non-verbal well wishes even though they could not put words to their intentions.
A few others were able to get out simple, and also very appreciated, greetings. They said things like, “Have a great time.” or “Way to go!” Sort of like cheering us on.
But, then there were others who expressed loving wishes and added more substance. One person counseled us, “You need to keep your eyes open to see that rare flower growing among the boulders.” Another told a friend that the shoes she was wearing would not hold out and asked if she had any boots more appropriate.
I find it interesting that here in heaven citizens seem to have different innate abilities to speak out in their loving concern for others. There seem to be different levels in the ability to speak the truth in love.
End of story.
It is quite possible that how much we talk in heaven will be proportional to how we used speech before death, during the time we were preparing for heaven. If in heaven every word out of our mouths will be guided by the indwelling Holy Spirit, will the Holy Spirit either withhold the right to speak or be limited in the amount of talking He can give us because we did not develop the ability to speak lovingly? Will some of us have spirits more able to handle the depth of what the Holy Spirit has for us to say to others?
Scripture tells us to speak only what is truthful– with love and pure motive – to build up one another according to their needs. Two key Bible verses highlight this responsibility to speak to one another truthfully and helpfully.
Eph 4:15 tells us, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. . . . “
And, Eph 4:29 tells us, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
In other words, we are to avoid all talk that is foolish, impure, or harmful. Christians must be careful with one another, speaking the truth only in loving ways that are helpful. We are not in each other’s lives to damage one another. We are to be building one another up to reach our potential – and complete the design God had in mind in our creation.
Speaking the truth in love has more to do with motive and presentation than just content. In our hearts, do we want the very best for the person with whom we are speaking? Are we speaking truth with sensitivity and in a kind way, no matter if the content must be a little harsh?
God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, our one triune God, always speaks the truth. Whenever we speak the truth in love with one another, we are being like God – and it is worship.
God does not hold back telling us truth. He loves us too much to allow us to go down the wrong path and bring destruction upon ourselves. He says things in the Bible to us that we probably would rather not hear – but certainly do need to hear. It is out of love that God tells us things to change, a way of living that does not fit in with our self-centeredness but has long-term, eternal rewards. We need to love enough to speak the truth in love to one another and be like God.
If we have a married friend who dangerously flirts, do we speak up or just hope that he or she will stop without being warned? If we want to be like God and worship Him, we speak up with loving concern, not in a judgmental way, but in a way that shows we are scared he or she will bring pain upon himself or herself and the kids and family. Like God, we speak up because we love the friend, the kids, the spouse, the extended family, the family’s friends and the person’s church. Like God, we don’t want anyone hurt by sin.
This is worship!
If we have a friend in our Christian Inner Circle who is neglectful of his family and doesn’t pay much attention to the needs of his wife or kids, we need to speak up lovingly and tell him he needs to do more. We keep coming back with the topic in a kind, yet uncompromising way, until he loves his family biblically and earns heavenly reward.
This is worship. It is what God does. It is like Him. It reflects God’s character back to God.
The devil has won many battles because we did not want to take the time to learn how to carefully present something that needed to be said. It truly is a lot of bother to speak up in love when we see someone we care about off track and behaving the world’s way rather than God’s way. Taking scarce time, placing another’s situation at higher priority, and sticking our neck out after much prayer and thought and planning is called – true love.
It is relatively easy to see in one another what might need to change for more transformation into the image of God’s Son. But, rushing in and confronting with truth is usually unwise. Few people are truly ready and wanting to change. We want to see ourselves as “perfect enough” and do not readily accept correction from one another, no matter how deeply grounded in truth is that admonishment. So, we are rarely open to straight-forward truth meant to help us change, even though we would all say that we want to be more like Jesus. Therefore, patience is required in speaking the truth in love to one another.
It is rare that speaking the truth in love yields fast results. Usually that truth, even though delivered gently in love, will be resisted by pride, often with either dismissive agreement or defensive arguing. So, when we present the truth in love for another Christian to change a little more into God’s ways, we need to be patient and committed to continue speaking the truth in love until resistance wears down and spiritual growth comes.
The kind of joy that is contentment in God and what He is doing can supernaturally give us the patience needed to deliver truth to another Christian gradually in time with his or her ability to accept it. Yielding our spirits to the Holy Spirit brings patience to pursue a pace of presenting truth in step with the Holy Spirit’s work of conviction in the other person’s life.
Before we speak the truth in love, we must evaluate another Christian from the viewpoint of God’s desires, not ours. Speaking the truth in love requires prayer to seek to understand God’s unique design of the person to whom we want to present truth. We must be careful to not encourage change that will go against that person’s design by God. Much damage can be done when we try to use biblical truth to make someone more of what we want rather than what God wants.
We must make it acceptable to be honest with one another, as long as what we say is not meant to hurt. We are to speak the truth in love, but we must also be willing to be spoken to in love.
A husband or wife might tell the other that something that was said hurt feelings. All too often this is met with anger rather than questions to understand how the truthful words were mistaken. If what was said and how it was said could be discussed calmly, it would become clearer how to say things to one another and not trigger misunderstanding in the future. How to speak the truth in love would become clearer.
Scripture must guide our speaking the truth in love. God makes clear His way of handling life. To correct someone God’s way, we need to handle Scripture carefully. Because of love we need to not make a biblical issue out of everything, only basic doctrine and the gospel of Jesus’ death and resurrection. If we are not absolutely sure of some truth in the Bible, we should not speak of it with certainty.
What will be so wonderful in heaven for those of us who let the Holy Spirit teach us superior, truthful love before death will be more spontaneity in communicating with others. Just as now, we will in heaven speak the truth in love and point out something good we want another to see and take advantage of. This kind of speaking the truth in love is what will transition to heaven and make up so much of our interaction with others. It will be enjoyable to easily speak up then because we speak up more often now.
In this life before death we can speak the truth in love in a thousand brave ways that are not corrective. We can speak up truthfully when someone does not recognize their good qualities. We can point out that someone in our Christian Inner Circle can step up and help someone. We can want people to see more of God’s creation and out of love for them point out how a tree has grown in such a way as to capture more sunlight to grow and thrive.
In heaven there will be a lot of need for this particular kind of speaking the truth in love. And the more before death we spoke lovingly to correct sin or to help guide others on the journey of their lives, the more in heaven we will have the joy of speaking truth in love where sin is not an issue.
Having become quite familiar with loving speech, won’t it be great in heaven to recognize more acutely the love that is in the statements of others toward us? Haven’t we ever seen a child who loves a parent and says really nice things to that parent and the parent does not “get it” and is unable to respond? Haven’t we felt sad when seeing someone who just cannot receive love? They have trouble receiving gifts from people who care so much as to take time to get them something special. They don’t know what to do with compliments. In heaven, if we pay more attention to speaking the truth in love now, we will better sense the love others have for us.
Speaking the truth helpfully with love now will develop our spirits to hear loving truth from others. We will also have the capacity to hear God and learn new things from Him. This may determine a lot of our relationship with God for all eternity.
In this matter of closeness with God in heaven, we want to be like expensive cell phones that receive signals clearly. We will no longer be in valleys or insulated basements, but we should still want the best reception. We want our spirits to be able to pick up as much of God’s spoken truth as possible. What we hear from God’s love will be the most valuable thing in heaven.
This might be difficult to imagine. We are talking about heaven here, so it is all speculation, although not contrary to truth in Scripture. This is like looking through the hole in one of those old-fashioned Easter eggs to see a world within. We peek and we hope we understand what we see.
Clearly, God will be sending His message out so that all can hear, like the strongest cell phone signal possible. Hearing it will have to do with our spirits which will be our receptors. Hopefully we will have learned the language of heaven well enough to process God’s voice and, hearing it, feel really close to Him.
Let’s understand the deeper significance of speaking the truth to one another in love now. Let’s develop the senses in our spirits to better hear God’s voice speaking loving truth throughout all eternity. Let’s learn well this language of heaven that speaks truth helpfully– out of love.
Reflection & Group Tools
Speak only what is truthful with love and pure motive to build up one another according to their needs. Avoid all talk that is foolish, impure, or harmful.
Zech 8:16; Eph 4:15,25,29; Col 3:9-10
Prayer to Embrace this Together
Our Loving and Truthful God, thank You for talking openly and honestly out of love in the Scriptures. I do appreciate Your loving explanations, Your loving warnings, and Your loving invitations.
I and those in my Christian Inner Circle will need Your help to grow our spirits to be truthful and helpful when we talk to others. Help us to yield to the work of the Holy Spirit for all of us to give You more glory by speaking the truth in love to help others.
Please help us all to resist any temptation to deceive or hurt others with our speech and become more like Jesus Who never is untruthful or unhelpful. Aid us in becoming loving in all that we do, speaking only truthfully and helpfully. With those in our Christian Inner Circles, give us the wisdom to speak the truth in loving ways when there is a chance that what we say will not be welcomed.
May our lives worship You more because, like You, we tell others truthfully and helpfully how to live for You. Keep us silent and prayerful until we hear You validate through Scripture and/or with Your silent voice felt in our spirits how we are to say the truth so that it has a good chance to be helpful. Then empower us through the Holy Spirit to speak up truthfully and helpfully.
Satan lies and deceives and hurts. Make us strong in Your power to defeat the devil by correcting the devil’s lies, deceit and hurtfulness, usually with those in our Christian Inner Circles. Help us to speak the truth in love and helpfully to see that we all walk more faithfully with You.
Help us all to prepare for heaven by growing in our ability to speak the truth in love – which is the language of heaven. Help us to not be short of words in heaven because our spirits developed only a little in just speaking truthfully and helpfully.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Your Spirit is most easily transformed in community. The tools below can facilitate your growth as you Submit to God together with those you are in close Christian relationship with.
These are some of the possible benefits in heaven we will be seeking today by opening our minds to the Holy Spirit regarding speaking to one another truthfully and helpfully.
Since speaking the truth in love to help is the language of heaven, we will be more naturally literate in our relationships with the other citizens of heaven.
We will be able to speak with more spontaneity in heaven to the extent that the percentage of our talk before dying was truthful and helpful.
What others say to us will be more readily received because in heaven there are no lies, false flattery with ulterior motives, and other sinful motivations for what others might be saying to us.
We will be able to worship because we will reflect to God his own always truthful and helpful nature.
The more in tune we are with truth and helpfulness before death, the better we will be able to hear God speaking to us with loving truth in heaven forever.
Sanctification Booster #1:
List some of the things that can hold Christians back from speaking helpful truth to one another.
Sanctification Booster #2:
List some of the corrective things Christians should lovingly speak up about with truth and helpfulness.
Sanctification Booster #3:
List some of the things we might say to one another in truth and love to help that are not correcting mistakes or sins.